Tweet Archive Part 1 – 2010

What do you mean you haven’t been following me on Twitter? What are you, some kind of chump? You chump. Well, ssssh, don’t tell anyone, just fix it now and we can pretend this unpleasantness never happened.

But what if someone tries to trick you? Asks you about the good old days when QuantumPirate didn’t tweet any old BS, still had that naive charm from lack of practice, and put 10% extra thought into what he wrote? Weren’t those the days? Well now we can stop that happening, together.

10 Tweets from 2010

• Getting old symptom #31 – Going paintballing and not making a Byker Grove reference for fear of people not understanding it
• “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” I’d like to discuss a stain I saw shaped like a dong
• Breaking News: Pixar boss revealed to be alien who feasts on male tears. World encouraged to man up before he devoutrs us all
• I’m going to figure out where that cheering crowd noise is coming from outside just as soon as I stop pretending it’s for me.
• Are exam grades going the way of eBay feedback? ‘Student smeared faeces on paper but handed in promptly, A*** would mark again’
• My religion’s holy book will be printed on magnesium and bound in old shellsuits. Burning by hypocrites will be encouraged.
• Have razors gotten up for ten blades yet? When they do I hope they call one the ‘Decimator’, I’d buy that for sure.
• I just hummed along to the music in my headphones, pretty sure I owe Ticketmaster £3.25 for the privilege.
• I can’t think of a reality TV show that wouldn’t be imprved by releasing bears.
• Driving in a snow-storm is much more fun if you pretend the car is jumping to hyperspace.